Rosewood Lane (2011)

Score: 3/10

Length: 97

Language: English

Categories: 2000s, almost horror, murderer

An almost horror and an almost decent movie. You can tell there is going to be a twist at the end, but I could think of only two possible scenarios throughout, and the easier one was true. There are a lot of unanswered questions and dumb decisions made in this film about a woman who is harassed by a strange teenager in her neighbourhood with black eyes. One of those questioned decisions is not why Rose McGowan decided to have so much plastic surgery that she looks like she has a permanent duckface on. They are more along the lines of: if dogs could detect the guy and chase him away, why wouldn’t she just get a dog? Getting a cat seems almost stupid on purpose. And why was this called Rosewood Lane? Such an unimaginative title that had as much to do with the movie as Lauren Velez’s bad acting (which you’ll probably remember from her role as Lt. LaGuerta on Dexter) and bad wig. The slow-motion final scenes are endlessly frustrating, and the movie itself is a let down, but not unwatchable.

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