Sharknado Series Special

As construction season ends and the storms of fall begin, it’s time for one last hurrah! It’s the Summer storm Sharknado spectacular!

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Sharknado (2013)

Score: five out of five octopus tidal waves

Length: 86

Best Line: “Hey man, there’s a shark in your pool.”

Movies such as this is why I love good-bad movies so much. It’s exactly what you’d expect and more. Action-packed from start to finish, the movie is pretty self-explanatory. It revolves around (literally) our heroes- Ian Ziering as Fin Shepard and Tara Reid as April Wexler as they manuever a strange “natural” phenomena of tornadoes spinning with an array of sharks. Cheesy script and horrible CGI galore, nom nom nom. Poor acting, accents you can barely understand, ridiculous names, and so many levels of nonsensical water situations. But all mostly on purpose, obviously. A lot of the movie was a wet and splashy traffic jam full of starved, freak sharks. A great movie to watch in the bath. Sure, grab some toy cars and plastic sharks.

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Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014)

Score: three out of five platypus tsunamis

Length: 95

Best Line: “Even the sharknadoes are tougher in New York.”

Sharks on a plane! In New York! Our main two characters are back, and this one includes a whole slew of celebs including Kelly Osbourne, one of the girls from The Craft, Vivica A. Fox, old man Sugar Ray (Mark McGrath), Andy Dick as a cop, Kelly Ripa, Judd Hirsch, Billy Ray Cyrus, Matt Lauer, Al Roker, Biz Markie, and a bunch of others. It was a lot of the same old- bombs and sharks and water. I enjoyed the sharks on fire in this one, and the New York setting but there weren’t that many differences; they needed to kick it up a notch. The second-go involved quite a few more painful acting scenes and heroic speeches than th first, and that took some extra patience to sit through. I mean, he even chain saws through a shark again. Pulling out her hand from a shark’s mouth to get her wedding ring was pretty outrageously funny though (in the lamest way possible).

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Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015)

Score: three out of five king crab sinkholes

Length: 88

Best Line: “Sharks… in… space!”

On to number three, and from the title I’m expecting an increased dosage of hilariousness. But this time, we’re in Washington/ The White House. I was really hoping for Hawai’i or even Texas this time. Even Canada! The sharks could fight grizzly bears. Luckily, they end up in space, and so do… the sharks. The characters are comprised of our usual family, and I’m pretty over Fin and his stank face at this point. Added to the crew are the dirty and determined Frankie Muniz and Cassie Scerbo. As we’re onto number three, I’ve seen a lot of sharks die at this point, so I’m starting to feel bad for them and their inevitable extinction. You get to a point where you’re bored of the plot and begin to dissect the “veiled” stupidity of these movies, but then suddenly- luckily- you are distracted by a laser chain saw, sharks boinking against a spaceship, and a difficult struggle inside of a shark… in space… getting fried by he sun. And then I actually had to pause the movie when I saw the baby- I was laughing too hard. Here’s to Sharknado 4!

Language: English (USA)

Categories: 2000s, recent, monster, animal, horror comedy, good-bad, recommended, Painful Movie Mondays

photo credits: i.ytimg.com, www.btchflcks.com, womenwriteaboutcomics.com

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