Categories: 2000s, recent, monster, murderer, alien, horror comedy, almost horror
This is one of those movies that you get about fifteen minutes through and then pause it to Google what everyone thought of it. And I’m going to tell you right off the bat- you don’t get to see what’s behind the wall. And this could possibly be a good thing if I think back to movies such as Tusk which I hated so much my review was more of a rant. I really got a good picture in my head of what I wanted it/her to look like and I probably would have been disappointed with the director’s version anyway. So this movie is about a weird, slightly gross “mobile artist” who moves into a scuzzy apartment with a hole in the wall. Inside the hole is some sort of female monster or freak or alien or whatever, and he makes friends with the hole that produces slimy, ovary-resembling balls which he adds to his art and who sucks his dick. Yeah, that’s right, you read right. Go ahead and watch it, it’s not like you aren’t going to anyway.
Categories: 2000s, recent, ghost, murderer, haunted house
As expected, this film is visually stunning but not scary at all. If you go into it thinking it’s more of a fantasy drama, you’ll be a lot less disappointed. It’s about a girl who falls in love with an older, creepier guy who has a very possessive sister. They move into his old, creepy house and she soon discovers the secrets of the family and their ghosts who dwell in the house. The ghosts have this smoke surrounding them like they’re on fire, and they’re so over-processed and digital looking; it sucks all of the horror right out of the image. I’m reminded of the black CGI blob in House on Haunted Hill, and Hades from Disney’sHercules. Del Toro has made a few fantastic films, but he really hasn’t got a grasp on how to build tension and make a movie truly scary. I mean, I appreciated the originality of the story and the costumes were breathtaking, but it just didn’t work as a horror movie.
I’ve been on hiatus for awhile after being on vacation in Iceland, and then with all of the real horrors in the world I didn’t really feel the need to watch any horror over and above the news. But while I am trying to get over my flu, I thought I’d revisit one of the first horrors I ever watched- a not-so-classic film from my childhood. Wishmaster is about a demon called a djinn who grants wishes (with a horrible twist) in the hopes of being set free and bringing its evil masters back to the world. As is expected from most nineties fantasy horrors, I thought I’d see more bad CGI, but the gore and special effects were mostly done with mechanics and makeup. The creatures were interesting and effective, though the djinn looked a little too much like a Hellboy Ninja Turtle. The acting was definitely nothing special, nor was the script, but the movie’s simple and creative story made it feel short, and it’s surely watchable.