Children of the Corn (1984)

Score: 3.5/10

Length: 92

Rating: R

Language: English

Categories: 80s, murderer, Stephen Kingy, religious

First of all, did you know there are EIGHT of these films?! I haven’t seen them all, but I bet not one of them is good. I’m excited to watch movie six which is referred to as number 666 where John Franklin aka Isaac, is back as… an older adult. The original film is about a religious cult of children, led by a large-mouthed redhead and a strange little man-child (who was twenty-three in this movie playing a pre-teen), who kill adults. I mean, children are kind of scary. Look how many movies feature ghost-children. And religious cults are pretty awful as well. So there is truly potential outside of the funny food title. But, unfortunately, there’s the ending that crumbles like a stale cookie with awful green sparkly CGI and actual fire animation, repetitive angry troll-yelling, and a horribly corny script. Not to say that the rest of the movie was fantastic or anything, but it’s certainly memorable, and although not the most popular, it is a treasured horror classic.  Great to eat with some corn on the cob, popcorn, kettle corn, caramel corn, corn chowder or even candy corn if you must.

I chose to review this movie as it has something to do with one of my Halloween costumes. 😉

The Witching (2016)

Score: 3/10

Length: 80

Rating: NR

Language: English

Categories: 2000s, recent, anthology, ghost, supernatural, demon, witch, murderer, woods

I know I say a lot of movies feel like a Goosebumps or Are You Afraid of the Dark episode, but this is actually a group of people around a campfire telling scary stories. It’s a shame the campfire group with their podcasts and video recordings are so stupid, because the shorts in this surprise (I thought this was going to be a movie about witches) anthology aren’t as bad as the wraparound. There are six stories in this film. Here’s a short recap of the mediocre tales:

• Grief – A grieving mother is haunted by her dead son who leaves his toy truck around the house. Turns out it’s not her son.
• Sleepwalker – A woman wakes up to find her face smeared with black sand and discovers she is being visited by the demon version of the Sandman.
• The Hourglass Figure – A housewife finds her mother-in-laws secret: an hourglass that stops time for an hour a day. Unfortunately, if the one-a-day rule is broken, there are dire consequences.
• Next Caller – A radio show host has a guest who tries to prove herself by having God and Satan call into the show.
• Graveyard Shift – A security guard tries to help a woman who is overdosing, but she runs away and disappears. Turns out she’s a ghost.
• Sweet Hollow – A woman pulls over for a man who tells her that her tire is loose and tries to fix it. They are apparently going to the same party, so he’s allowed to ride in the car with her, but when she receives a call from her sister, she finds out the man is lying.

As you can probably tell, the shorts are not well thought-out, and not only are they lazy, they’re forgettable. The best out of the group for me was probably the hourglass story, since it’s the most interesting idea. It’s a watchable movie overall, but I definitely wouldn’t recommend it.