The Void (2016)

Score: 5/10

Length: 99

Rating: NR (R)

Language: English

Categories: 2000s, recent, monster, zombie, murderer, supernatural

IIIIIII don’t know about this Canadian movie. One friend hated it, one friend liked it. I fall right in the middle. On the one hand, I liked the cult members standing outside staring, not moving and the quick scene with the monster-zombies in the basement. On the other hand, I’m really over the cop, the pregnant lady, and a mishmash of unlikable others being trapped in the hospital. The third idea with the eighties alien-monsters was kind of fun, but it didn’t quite feel like it fit in. I also liked the first half a lot better than the second, and was pretty disappointed with the ending. I even went back to see if I missed something, because it took me three tries to finish this as I kept falling asleep. After all this, I’m left giving it an “inbetween” score because it’s just so equally good and bad. Made me want to watch Society again.

The Neighbor (2016)

Score: 5.5/10

Length: 87

Rating: NR (But clearly R)

Language: English

Categories: 2000s, recent, murderer, underground

As a Canadian, it pains me to put no ‘u’ in the title, but I suppose it’s an American movie and the paper mache mask on the cover makes up for it. It felt very familiar early on, like I had seen at least some of it before. Probably before passing out and then forgetting about it. This action-thriller film is about  an errand-man whose wife is kidnapped by their neighbour before they plan to split with a bag of cash. Josh Stewart does a great job of looking like Sean Penn’s druggy brother, but the acting from everyone is pretty decent.  I appreciate that the women weren’t just victims, they fought hard. It feels like The Collector series, but lacks some of the originality. Most of the gore seemed to be dead animals which definitely could’ve been skipped, but there were a splatter of blood and guts scenes throughout.  It had artistic spots, but it just wasn’t anything special or creative. Not a bad movie at all, but also not a memorable title or story. I could definitely see myself accidentally watching some of it again.

Raw (2016)

Score: 6/10*

Length: 99

Rating: R

Language: French

Other title: Grave

Categories: 2000s, recent, murderer, gore porn

This French film was a “must see” at the festivals. It’s akin to Teeth or Ginger Snaps in that it’s fresh, mildly original, and centred around a beautiful, flesh-biting teenager. However, as in most French movies I have seen, the gore is thick, and the blood is bright. Raw is about a vegetarian college student who is forced to eat rabbit during a hazing ritual, and as a result, gains an irresistible urge to devour humans. She lets her douchey sister who is attending the same veterinary school be cruel to her again and again as she parties with the crowds of other students. I guess maybe when you’re the younger sister you are very forgiving as you just want attention from your older, cooler, sibling, but it was frustrating to watch, nonetheless. There are a few really gory scenes, but the most cringeworthy was the finger-sucking. My biggest wish is that the film leaned more to one side- a dark comedy or a thrilling horror. Because of this, I felt it lacked a bit of… bite. Although the ending was nicely-wrapped, it was guessable and geared towards a non-horror crowd.

*Friend Score: 6.5/10

The Bunnyman Massacre (2014)

Score: 2/10

Length: 90 mins

Rating: R

Language: English

Categories: recent, murderer, animal, gore porn, slasher, woods, Painful Movie Mondays

This shit starts off hard, with someone in a white bunny costume chainsaw-slicing a school bus full of kids. I figured it was going to be a little more cornier and to be frank, I expected the quality to be worse. There’s some sex- check. Some blood- also, check. And of course, they have’t forgotten the big, fake boobs on a gal who lasts about thirty seconds. In a lesser-used perspective, the movie is focussed more around the killer and his story then the victims. Although you don’t really get the chance to root for any of the victims, you don’t exactly tend to side with the killer either, since we don’t get to see what he looks like until…  I mean, it’s not as wonderful as I’m making it out to be. People are quickly and randomly slaughtered throughout the movie, and it gets old fast. It’s like a an episode of Game of Thrones, except everyone dies in the only episode. Nothing special and not very memorable, but something to watch around Easter. Maybe while eating rabbit, if you’re into that sort of thing. I didn’t actually realize that this was a sequel until later, but I’m not rushing to see the original Bunnyman. Perhaps next year.

 

 

Masters of Horror: Pelts

Masters of Horror is a 2000s television series with a different director for each of the thirteen episodes in the season, running about an hour long.

Directed by: Dario Argento (Suspiria, Opera, Inferno)

Evil Category: the cursed revenge of the trash pandas

Score: one out of five dry-cleaning bills

I put off watching this episode for quite some time just based off the title, and rightfully so. It’s about a big, greasy man who is in the fur business. He’s in love with a stripper who he tries to rape, and when he comes across some fine pelts, it allows him to present a (ridiculous) business proposition to her. He’s going to make her a fancy fur coat so she can wear it and be a fashion model. Seriously?! Don’t worry, the raccoons get their revenge, of course, on the coat wearers. I didn’t realize raccoon fur was so coveted and rare… Not even the gory baseball bat to the face and the headfirst plunge into a trap could save this episode’s stupidity. It’s so not something I needed to watch, and I read a book while watching most of it anyway. Point is only for gore.

Masters of Horror: Imprint

Masters of Horror is a 2000s television series with a different director for each of the thirteen episodes in the season, running about an hour long.

Directed by: Takashi Miike (Audition, Ichi the Killer)

Evil Category: black-smear-toothed, red-headed whores

Score: five out of five skin-sweeping scars

In regular Takashi Miike form, this episode is strange and intense. Considering the rest of the season is at times a little dull and watered-down, this was a fun finish to season one. I saved this movie for a night with sushi, and I’m going to have to have another sushi night because I want to watch it again. There was just so much going on I don’t think I was able to absorb it all. It’s about this guy (he’s in Charmed, acting as badly as he does in this episode) who is looking for his lost lover. Instead, he learns of her torturous death through the stories of a woman with distorted features. This gnarly, complex episode features everything from a weird little pimp with a nose scab to a conjoined hand twin. (What?!) At the same time, the colours are rich, the costumes are intricate, and it’s beautifully filmed. I didn’t love everything about it, but for sure, the best episode so far.

Masters of Horror: Right to Die

Masters of Horror is a 2000s television series with a different director for each of the thirteen episodes in the season, running about an hour long.

Directed by: Rob Schmidt (Wrong Turn, The Alphabet Killer)

Evil Category: a burnt, revenge-seeking wife

Score: four out of five mistress body parts lost

I decided to watch this episode after reading an article about a girl in Europe who had assisted suicide after years of sexual abuse. It’s an interesting topic with good points on both sides of the debate. I actually really enjoyed this episode, and although at times it seemed like a TV drama series, there was a lot of gory horror mixed in. I would not recommend watching this while eating, as there are several bloody, slimy wife and cringe-worthy skinning scenes. The director has only worked on a handful of movies, but funny enough, I liked this episode more than most. It feels like a real movie; like has more story than should be condensed into an hour. The ending can be taken a few different ways, and I prefer the more grim option. It’s about a husband and wife who end up in a horrible car accident during a fight. The husband comes out okay, but the wife is horribly burnt and disfigured and doesn’t have long to live. He goes back and forth between the decision to let her die (and inherent a large amount of her family’s money) or let her live. Unfortunately, the decision is made a little too late, but the journey revealed in layers is exciting, interesting, and new. I feel like it could easily be remade into a full movie with even better effects and music.

 

photo: http://www.grimmovies.com/

High Tension (2003)

Score: 8/10

Length: 91

Rating: Unrated, but obviously R

Language: French

Categories: 2000s, murderer, woods, gore porn, slasher, psychological, recommended

I’m going to blow both our minds by saying… I liked this movie!! It’s been so long since I actually recommended a movie, and not just because it was good-bad. I love the blatant title. It’s real and honest, and simple. I avoided this movie for some time because I thought it’d be rapey, but it’s not at all! It’s twisty, bloody, and your heart will be pounding like the bass in the apartment next door. It has the suspense level of a thriller movie, but it’s definitely a horror with spurts of gore and lots of slashings. I’m really impressed. It’s a French film that you can get English-dubbed, and it doesn’t take away from the movie at all. In fact, beautiful Marie’s accent is quite adorable and I’m sure her acting would be spot-on either way. Her story starts when she goes to stay at her girlfriend’s family home, and the vacation is disrupted by a brutal killer that Marie and Alex must escape from. It’s your usual slasher for the most part, but it does such a fantastic job keeping the viewer engaged because you want so badly for Marie to escape, seeing that you have to follow her each step of the way. I don’t want to say too much about the film besides that I really appreciated it and I learned some useful tips in hiding from a killer. There’s not a ton of bad-ass women in horror, but Marie knocks it out of the park.

 

photo credit: http://themovieman-bennyjayruss.blogspot.ca

Cooties (2014)

Score: 5/10

Length: 88

Rating: R

Language: English

Categories: 2000s, recent, horror-comedy, murderer, zombie, gore porn

Warning- this movie starts off with a bunch of gross chicken scenes, so if your chicken burger and chocolate milkshake are on the way, you might want to skip this movie tonight. The chicken, which is served at the school cafeteria, is what starts the whole thing. Cooties, that is! Elijah Wood stars in this comedy-horror which reminds me of an episode of Community. Your typical zombie flick with a lot of blood, gore, and chasing and running. This film is offbeat in the way that Shaun of the Dead is, but it visits an idea that I don’t think I’ve seen before. That, of course, is cooties, the make-believe disease children tend to say opposite sex has. Or something . But this time it’s real, and it has created an army of kid-zombies. It’s a funny movie and the characters are very likable (as opposed to the ones in the book Elijah Wood’s character is writing) but I got a little bored of things as it went on. The story starts off pretty fast and I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing, but there is too much running around for me. I’m not sure that it’s just this movie though, I’d probably say this about most zombie movies. There is a lot to appreciate about this film and it’s quirky and smart, just as you’d want it to be, but there are better zombie genre films out there. (I’d assume most others, especially lovers of the genre would rate it higher.)

 

photo credit: https://i.ytimg.com

The Midnight Meat Train (2008)

Score: 7/10

Length: 100

Rating: R

Language: English

Categories: 2000s, SPOILERS, gore porn, monster, murderer, book, recommended

I first heard of this movie when it came out at film festival, but I assumed it was a zombie flick and I also wasn’t to familiar with Clive Barker at the time. But recently, I decided to read all three of Barker’s Books of Blood, and I couldn’t get enough of this tragic tale.  It’s about a butcher-killer who finds his victims on the late train and the innocent man who accidentally stumbles upon the phenomena. The movie starts off with some bloody fun and took me back to exactly what I envisioned while reading the book. Then, all of a sudden I was watching Limitless, and Bradley Cooper is taking photos of me up close and personal. There are some great, gory bludgeoning scenes where the effects might be a little outdated and cheesy, but they’re still highly creative and I loved all the blood. There’s lots of tension in the chase and being caught and although they could have cut some of the girlfriend mush, I thought the length and pace of the film was designed well. The big-name actors help this horror movie, but Vinnie Jones as Mahogany was enjoyed most of all. Guy knows how to get his glare on. I’m not sure if this is Leslie Bibb’s trademark- trying to sway the hero to stop their passionate search and then taking on the story herself. I know they needed a well-rounded movie to flesh out the short story, but I found her unnecessary altogether. A lot of people are going to be annoyed by the supernatural twist the movie takes, but Clive Barker is all about the supernatural, and I thought they did a really great job of keeping the monsters subtle and not a riddled with CGI. The film follows the story very well, and although it’s not perfect, I was satisfied with the film adaptation.

 

 

photo credit: https://childrenoftheburningfist.files.wordpress.com