The Void (2016)

Score: 5/10

Length: 99

Rating: NR (R)

Language: English

Categories: 2000s, recent, monster, zombie, murderer, supernatural

IIIIIII don’t know about this Canadian movie. One friend hated it, one friend liked it. I fall right in the middle. On the one hand, I liked the cult members standing outside staring, not moving and the quick scene with the monster-zombies in the basement. On the other hand, I’m really over the cop, the pregnant lady, and a mishmash of unlikable others being trapped in the hospital. The third idea with the eighties alien-monsters was kind of fun, but it didn’t quite feel like it fit in. I also liked the first half a lot better than the second, and was pretty disappointed with the ending. I even went back to see if I missed something, because it took me three tries to finish this as I kept falling asleep. After all this, I’m left giving it an “inbetween” score because it’s just so equally good and bad. Made me want to watch Society again.

Top Ten Canadian Horror Films

Happy Canada 150, my fellow proud Canadians and adoring non-Canadians! Here are my favorite scary Canuck movies to watch after the fireworks, or hungover the next morning, accompanied by Canada’s top snacks.

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10. The Brood  (1979)

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One of four Cronenburg and sons films on the list, it’s about a woman driven by her psychologist to do some pretty strange things, among them, lead a brood of lumpy lawn gnome look-alikes. The skin sack is a hard image to forget, so you may want to have a couple 2-4s and mickeys on hand.

Canadian Snack: Watch a woman lick her bloody baby while you nosh on some flavour-packed Lays ketchup chips and guzzle down a spicy Caesar with a green bean.

Review here

Trailer here

 

 

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9. Terror Train (1980)

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A satisfying New Year’s Eve slasher movie about med students at a costume party held on a train who are killed off by a masked murderer. What a kerfuffle with everyone stuck on that train. Better grab your toques and runners and get a move on.

Canadian Snack: In order to stay up past midnight you’re going to need some caffeine. But since we’re on a moving train, better reach for a Coffee Crisp instead.

Review here

Trailer here

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8. The Fly (1986)

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Jeff Goldblum and Gina Davis are surrounded by a hefty helping of that goopy, slimy, eighties blood and gore. It’s pretty much every superhero story, without the superhero part, leaving just- man turns into fly, and it doesn’t go too well.

Canadian Snack: If there’s one thing that flies like, it’s sugar. So give them what they want in a sweet, buttery treat: the butter tart.

This movie doesn’t yet have a full review.

Trailer here

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7. Black Christmas (1974)

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This is a film about a woman calling for her cat, Claude… I mean… it’s about sorority girls trapped in a house with a mystery killer. And also Christmas! So it’s snowing and no one is really around to help. Better than the 2006 version by a million kilometres, but not necessarily thrilling.

Canadian Snack: Our country doesn’t really have much to do with Christmas dinner, so instead, grab a Tims double double with a maple-glazed donut for breakfast.

Review here

Trailer here

 

 

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6. Dead Ringers (1988)

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Who wouldn’t want to watch a movie about twin gynecologists addicted to drugs, both played by Jeremy Irons? I generally dislike it when a movie is two or more hours long, but I didn’t mind it in this case. Felt like I was just watching a few episodes in a row of Twin Peaks. It’s labeled as a drama / horror / thriller, but it doesn’t have the typical tension of a horror or thriller; I found it heavy on the drama end.

Canadian Snack: Nothing goes better together than a Montreal-style bagel and Montreal smoked meat.

This movie doesn’t yet have a full review.

Trailer here

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5. Antiviral (2012)

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A film about a business that offers diseases (carried by celebrities) to the public, in order to allow the fans to feel closer to the famous person they’re obsessed with. So strange, and so creative with such a fantastically interesting lead character played by Caleb Landry Jones (Get Out). Lots of drug hazes, needles galore, and so many blood-soaked white things that even Tide couldn’t clean.

Canadian Snack: Some good ole fashioned brand-name KD with a dollop of ketchup. The Canadian way.

This movie doesn’t yet have a full review.

Trailer here

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4. Cube (1997)

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Out of the three Cube movies, the first has the best ending- with a twist. A group of people are trapped in a room-filled structure, where each room has a different violent booby-trap waiting for them.

Canadian Snack: We’re too hip to be square, but a homemade nanaimo bar is to die for, and angular enough to accompany this franchise.

Review here

Trailer here

3. American Mary (2012)

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A revenge flick about a med student turned underground body modifier is American only by title.

Canadian Snack: To go with the American theme, believe it or not, the popular sushi order, California roll, was invented by a Japanese sushi chef who moved to Vancouver in the seventies.

Review here

Trailer here

2. Ginger Snaps (2000) 

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Good things come in threes, but the original of the well-known Canadian trilogy is the best. Nothing beats some simplistic teen werewolf angst, eh?

Canadian Snack: Unfortunately, ginger snaps aren’t really Canadian, so instead how bout some Chinese food? Surprisingly, ginger beef was invented right here in Calgary, AB. I think a werewolf would prefer meat over cookies anyway.

Review here

Trailer here

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1. Silent Hill (2006)

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This dreamlike fantasy horror about a mother searching for her daughter in an eerie, ash-covered town gets the top spot. This fantastic goth film is an adaptation of a survival video game and couldn’t have been done better. Around every turn is a mysterious creature, its details creatively imagined. I’d pay a lot of loonies and twoonies to see this at the theatre in 3D.

Canadian Snack: The number one spot deserves nothing but the number one Canadian food. So versatile and comforting, you can’t do better than a proper poutine.

This movie doesn’t yet have a full review.

Trailer here

 

BONUS! The legendary tv show, Are You Afraid of the Dark, is of course, also Canadian.

Looking for more? Try Pontypool, Hobo With a Shotgun, Pin, The Changeling, Videodrome, The Shrine, Prom Night. 

Masters of Horror: Jenifer

Masters of Horror is a 2000s television series with a different director for each of the thirteen episodes in the season, running about an hour long.

Directed by: Dario Argento (Suspiria, Opera, Inferno)

Evil Category: deformed, devouring diva

Score: one out of five floppy freak boobs

I saw this episode a few years ago, and I gave it a big   (:/ )   . Watching it again, I mean, it’s a relatively unused idea, although a predictable and eye roll-inducing journey, and the end has a very circle-of-life “twist”. It’s all about the cringe- lust versus revulsion, and revulsion won for me; Jenifer’s lumpy, white tongue made me want to throw up. The director is just having a little fun here, and you’ll have to excuse the less-than-believable script and frequent goofs and plot holes. Let me be Frank (from the episode) here, it’s pretty much a story about having a woman-beast as a pet, and this doesn’t fly so well with me.

photo:http://3.bp.blogspot.com/Jenifer-eye.jpg

The Possession (2012)

Score: 5.5/10

Length: 92

Language: English

Categories: 2000s, recent, devil, religious

Yes, another movie with a generic title you’re never going to remember. This is partially the reason I write these things. Another Canadian entry, “based on a true story”. It’s kind-of in the Annabelle category, and I’m giving it the same score. A box, moths, a Hasidic Jewish exorcist, and a lot of family drama just about sums it up. I really thought the acting was fantastic, the story was leaning towards original, and it took a shot at including tension such as the morgue search. The movie had its moments. On the other hand, the CGI was mediocre and there were so many guessable bits. Oh, the group turns down your pleas to save your daughter? Don’t worry, the eccentric guy who brought you here in the first place will chase after you in 5…  4…  3…  The ending? Meh. The story as a whole? Double meh. Watchable, but not necessary. And before we go, let’s visit this point. When’s the last time you watched a male character being the main possessed body?

photo credit: http://img.moviepilot.com/ThePossession

American Mary (2012)

Score: 7/10

Length: 103

Language: English

Categories: 2000s, recent, murder, girly, recommended

The only things I didn’t really like about this CANADIAN movie are the title (nothing really overly American about her) and the unnecessary over sexualization of Miss Mary, such as the club owner’s lengthy fantasy scenes. I also, of course, could have done without the rape which captured the entire event start to finish, but luckily there’s some very satisfying (while cringe-worthy) revenge scenes. Otherwise, this movie (written and directed by females) about a med student gone wrong is actually pretty creative and well done. A strange mix of Hard Candy, Nip/Tuck, and the Caterpillar short from Rampo Noir.  Katherine Isabelle (Ginger Snaps) is gorgeous in playing both the innocent and the bad-ass sides of Mary, although anyone who enjoys stitching dead chickens isn’t so angelic. Every character was interesting in their own way, but the body-mod “freaks” were absolutely fantastic. Who wants to live their life without seeing a real-life Betty Boob and a human barbie with no nipples and a vagina that’s sewn shut??

*edit: I accidentally wrote Betty Boob, but I’m not changing it.

photo credit: http://cdn.bloody-disgusting.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/American-Mary2.jpg

Ginger Snaps Trilogy

In celebration of Canada day, I am watching a trilogy of three Canadian werewolf movies! Friendship, sisterhood, puberty, learning how to be a woman/beast, and generally getting through life is the guiding principle in these stories.

Categories: 2000s, werewolf, monster, murderer, girly, woods

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Ginger Snaps (2000)

6.5/10

I feel like I’ve seen the first half of this movie several times but never the ending. A young teen gets attacked by a werewolf and while she is slowly transforming, her awkward sister looks for a cure. Ginger, the she-wolf, looked like a deformed plastic skin dog. This is why I don’t like monster movies. The monsters all look too fake or computerized and this film is no different. And why did Brigitte’s hair looked like a wig half the time? The gore, the acting, and the original choices made throughout are the reasons why I think it’s so popular.

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Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed (2004)

5/10

Set in a recovery facility, the awkward sister is left to fend for herself. She tries to escape while she changes into a beast, and all the while being hunted by another werewolf who kills everyone in its path. Luckily she has a young, blond, crazy sidekick who helps her along the way. I liked the werewolf look a lot more this time. More classic- hairy and black. It was an okay film, it could have used more tension and action instead of it solely being chase-based terror.

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Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning (2004)

5.5/10

Shamus. The name. I think that’s all you need to sum up this ridiculously Canadian film set in the 19th century. Ginger once again, plays the sexy werewolf superhero, while dark-haired Brigitte acts (convincingly) frightened. But this time they do it in corsets in the snow! I bet if I watched this first, I’d like it almost as much as the original movie. But since I’ve watched these all in a row, although a good film, I was a little tired of werewolves at this point. (I also love how at the end she’s complaining about being cold, though they’re like, five metres away from a giant lodge on fire…)

photos: http://toddkuhns.com. http://horrorfilmcentral.com

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