Tumbbad (2018)

Score: 7/10

Length: 104 mins

Rating: NR

Language: Hindi

Categories: 2000s, monster, murderer, fantasy, foreign, Bollywood, recommended, underground, demon

Well, let’s see. A greedy boy from the cursed city Tumbbad, where it rains constantly and everyone is very comfortable being soaking wet, grows up to be a greedy man. A grandmother who is kept alive and in misery by a hex, knows where a treasure is. The treasure, is in a goddess’ vagina, in a tomb, where her son, a red Bad Romance demon-like thing, lives. The now-adult boy visits the demon in the tomb vagina periodically whenever he needs coin, by distracting him with dough dolls and stealing his gold. The original music is catchy, the acting is well-done and I don’t even mind the slow motion CGI. It could use a little bit of the flair and pizzazz a typical Bollywood film might have, even if it just stole some colour. It reminds me a bit of The Fall, but it’s more interested in an Indiana Jones-type story than bright costumes. The story’s end and the accompanying visuals are just short of fantastic and sealed the deal on this sleepy Indian fairy tale. 

 

… what’s it!?
…Hassan? Hatar? Hamad??

Ghost Stories (2019)

Score: 4.5/10

Length: 144

Rating: Mature (Netflix)

Language: English

Categories: 2000s, Hindi, Bollywood, anthology, murderer, monster, ghost

There are a lot of films with this name, so don’t get confused- this is the Bollywood horror anthology film on Netflix. The same directors who worked on Lust Stories share four creepy tales. A few things you need to keep in mind- Bollywood is known for elaborate action films and romances with loads of singing and dancing. It’s not known for its horror films and rightfully so- they don’t compare to the actual horrors we see in most North American, European, and Asian films, they’re more like spooky bed time stories. So take that horror genre categorizing with a huge grain of salt. And maybe some cilantro.

The segments don’t have titles so I’m just going to make them up and review them separately.

The Old Lady – A young woman is a caretaker for an elderly, bed-ridden lady. Strange things happen in the house at night, and eventually, the nurse happens upon a horrible secret which she smelled from the start.

Egg Envy – An almost black and white story about an expecting mother, a jealous child, and feathery fears of a miscarriage.

Monster Meal – I suppose a zombie movie, but more with monsters. Most of the humans are still turning, however, our main monster looks a lot like Harry the sasquatch from Harry and the Hendersons. Funny enough, this is probably the scariest segment, due to some of the frightening acting by the affected-humans. A man visits a small town and finds two children to be the sole survivors of some sort of mutation that turns humans into apelike creatures with bad eyesight who eat humans.

Granny’s Blessing – The final film is strange and not scary, but definitely quirky. An attractive couple plan an arranged marriage, but the wife-to-be has second thoughts after learning that her fiance is obsessed with his dead grandmother.

Top Ten Movies Of 2015 I’m Still Looking Forward To Seeing

I’ve seen a lot of new movies this year, but in October I fell a little behind, and there are still a lot of great ones left that I’d like to conquer. In the time I took to get this list together, I could have probably watched all of these movies, but that’s how I roll. In no particular order, here’s a list of the films I’m still looking forward to from this year.

The Witch

category: supernatural indie era 

level of excitement to see it: I’m a sucker for originality, and I feel like this one is going to deliver, so I’m very much looking forward to it

stars: new actors you haven’t heard of

A Sundance selection, this independent history-horror set in the 1600’s is about sorcery, family, and tension. The trailer doesn’t give away much, but it looks like it’s full of unease and uncertainty, and that’s attention-grabbing in itself. I’m interested in unlocking the mystery, but will surely have to be in a cold, grey mood before diving into this one.

trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQXmlf3Sefg

 

Krampus or A Christmas Horror Story

category: holiday fun

level of excitement to see it: I wouldn’t want to watch either after Christmas so there’s limited time to see these ridiculous yuletide monsterpieces

stars: Adam Scott, Toni Collette / William Shatner

I’m cheating a little here, but there are two Krampus movies this year, and I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. I’ll probably watch both and have a theme night of it. In case you didn’t know, Krampus is a goat-headed Christmas demon from folklore. This character has been hidden from the movie scene until recently, for unknown reasons. Neither of this movies look exceptional, but holiday horrors are rare, and this might make for a great face-off review.

trailer: Krampus  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6cVyoMH4QE

A Christmas Horror Story  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSSSUbB-mYk

 

Nina Forever 

category: it’s been done 

level of excitement to see it: it’s there if I need it

stars: new, Irish-named actors you haven’t heard of

This one doesn’t seem so original. In fact, it sounds a lot like Life After Beth. It looks a lot like a bunch of sex had in a bloody bed. No, no one is having their period, it’s just a dead ex-girlfriend who appears during deed-doing. I’m not dying to see this one, but it’s worth a glance.

trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IokJt_05co

 

The Final Girls

category: horror comedy film within a film

level of excitement to see it: silly, girly, scary- I couldn’t ask for much more

stars: Taissa Farmiga from AHS,  Malin Akerman from mediocre comedies

Here’s our comedic relief of the year-end! It’s got a chunky story, but none of the parts are that original. It’s an Oh Henry! bar. A girl and her friends get trapped in a film from the eighties- and her mom is the star! The goal is to beat the machete maniac and be the final girls standing. Sounds like a fun movie to watch at a grown-up sleepover wearing onesies and drinking Winter Ale.

trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zreNh78kTjg

 

Cooties

category: zombies in school

level of excitement to see it: this better be good as I’m not thrilled to watch another film of the flesh-eating genre

stars: Elijah Wood!!! and Rainn Wilson, Alison Pill

This movie has been out for awhile, but I’ve already had my fall flu and I don’t want to jinx it. It’s the made-up virus from your childhood come to life, but it’s from the perspective of the teachers. The staff try desperately to fight off children-zombies, and it seems super fun and hilarious, but I am reeeeallly over the zombie thing. This movie will put me at my limit, so hopefully it’s worth it. Let me work it.

trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzJVA0KWljk

 

The Hallows

category: a bed time story to give you nightmares

level of excitement to see it: I can’t miss a rare opportunity like this, and it’s a great film to watch before bed

stars: Bojana Novakovic from Devil, Joseph Mawle (you’d recognize his face)

The Hallows, also known by its other boring title, The Woods, is a film about Irish folklore- fairies, banshees, and the like. I can’t imagine this being too good, but it’s not often that we get any horror fairy tales, so I’m going to watch it anyway and like it more than 100% of the shaky-cam movies that I refuse to watch. I can only hope and pray that there’s little to no CGI and the plot isn’t full of holes. Here’s to the fae!

trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dH3NCjfr7n4

 

The Hive

category: memories and bad blood

level of excitement to see it: I could skip it, but I’ll give it a shot

stars: up and coming kids you’ve never heard of

You’d think this movie would be about bees, but it’s actually a psychological infected-by-a-virus thriller. (If you want bees, try Stung, which I’ll also watch eventually.) The trailer isn’t very revealing, but there seems to be a lot of choking on black blood and it’s reminiscent of the latest Evil Dead. The film is also from the producers of Saw so it can’t be that bad, but I have a feeling the romance side of things is going to get a little too mushy (not in a smashed brains way) for my liking.

trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txdd4UaiJJg

 

A Tale of Tales

category: fantasy fantastic 

level of excitement to see it: I don’t have high hopes but I’m very excited to see how it compares to Crimson Peak

stars: Salma Hyek, Vincent Cassel, John C. Reily

This one is all imagination breathed through fashion and set design, and I’m actually quite surprised it’s labelled as a horror. Makes me think- is Game of Thrones a horror? This is film of three stories (as made pretty obvious by the title) that tell of the kingdom staples: intricate and colourful costumes, grotesque fable beasts, and of course, pale, young, naked girls. I doubt it’s going to bring any scares, but I wouldn’t mind adding another dreamlike storybook fiction movie to the list. Salma also goes hard on a really big bloody heart.

trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3hVmpGzl7A

 

Circle

category: sci fi game

level of excitement to see it: I’m thrilled to be thrilled

stars: Julie Benz (from Dexter and Saw V)

This looks like a contender for my Top Ten Strangers in a Small Room list. I am so pleased that there’s another game show horror flick coming out. Fifty people are trapped in a room unable to move from the circle. Each person dies until one is left. This one looks different from the rest as there are way more people and surprisingly, children are involved.

trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAlpm2oRzy8

 

Maya

category: fear-free ghosts with subtitles 

level of excitement to see it: it’s been awhile since I’ve seen an Indian film, so I’m looking forward to it

stars: two actors that each only go by one name so they must be special- Nayantara,  Aari

I’m sure there’s a bunch of really great Korean or Japanese or French horror films from 2015 out there that I could be picking (suggest them to me!), but I’ve decided to go with one of the (probably) five Indian horror attempts this year. This movie seems quite Westernized, so some of the magical cheese I love is missing, but it still looks like a true-to-heart Bollywood ghost story. It’s also got great spooky settings- a dark forest, an asylum, and lots of shadowy rooms and buildings. One thing I’ve never missed from an Indian movie is a fantastic story, but I’m not expecting to be scared.

trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7x43dvfqYSE

 

photo credits: sundance.org, youtube.com, fatmovieguy.com, ew.com, clickmaza.com, filmfad.com,

telegraph.co.uk, nerdist.com, cdn4.thr.com, gamesradar.com,slashfilm.com

 

Bhoot (2003)

Score: 4.5/10

Length: 113

Language: Hindi

Categories: 2000s, foreign, Asian, ghost, haunted house, murderer

I have yet to see a believable, scary Bollywood horror, but that does not mean they aren’t awesome. This film that sounds like a really fast ‘boot’ (this does not help its scare factor) actually means ghost in Hindi. It’s about a couple who move into a haunted apartment. Annnnd the girl thinks she’s crazy, always seeing these ghosts; she goes to a psychiatrist blah blah the ghost possesses her and wants revenge uhuh uhuh… but somehow, Bollywood makes this seem quirky and fun. There are lots of early 2000s peasant blouses as well as weird camera angles around a strange and wonderful geometric apartment. The ghost woman was scary because of her eyes and little else, but you forget what all the other women look like after seeing Rhekha anyway. The length really sucks the scare out of the movie and the demon freak-out noises are almost unbearably bad. Somehow, I still managed to like it. The ending does a great job of proving that all you need to do is calmly talk to your ghost, and eventually, she’ll come around.

photo credit: http://img01.ibnlive.in/ibnlive/uploads/2012/10/horrorrgv-2.jpg

Pizza (2014)

Score: 7/10 (for people wanting a scary horror, 5/10)

Length: 107

Language: Hindi

Categories: 2000s, recent, foreign, almost- horror, ghost

This is an amazing Bollywood movie about pizza if you love Bollywood. And it doesn’t really matter if you like pizza or not. But you better like phones, because there are tonnes of them ringing and being answered constantly. The entire movie is an ad for phones. It’s about a handsome pizza boy who lives in an adorable apartment with his pregnant girlfriend. One night, on a pizza delivery, he enters a haunted house. That’s all I really want to tell you about it, because as many dramatic B-wood films, it has a wonderful twist and story. Not really horror, per se, but quirky and creative, and worth a shot. Really a shame I didn’t get to see it in 3D, what a full package that would have been. Best line in the film: “Boss has his fingers in many pies. Who knows what toppings he’s offered to which gods!”

photo credit:http://mastitube.cc/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/pizza-3d-hindi-movie.jpg